Czechoslovakia- home of the eurocunt mullet!

(Two days late)

We drove out of Berlin on a grey, rainy morning- fitting for a visit to the holocaust memorial and then thru an old DDR neighbourhood with all its glazed-brick exteriors and soviet-modern apartment complexes. It kinda sucked leaving such an awesome city behind, but being headed to Czech was cool and it was nice to be on the road again.

After an hour or so the clouds gave way and we crossed into Czech in some rolling hills, which soon turned into witch tit mountains. The autobahn slowed to a more north american pace, and the cars started to show signs of wear and rust. We passed through tunnels that went under whole towns, and over bridges between rocky gorges with old churches built precariously over the sides. The highway turned into a two-lane road which wound up and down through the hills, past old men sitting at the roadside smoking cigarettes and small villages consisting of maybe ten buildings built on steep bends in the road. The windmills slowly disappeared, and everything began to look more eastern european- I can't really describe it much better than that.

We rolled into Prague at around 4 in the afternoon, seeing long apartment complex-blocks from the highway, billboards and commercial buildings that would be expected on the outskirts of any city. Dad, being the perspicacious and culturally-intuitive person that he is, said he wasn't liking the looks of the city, and expressed fear that "there wasn't really much here". I bit my lip, as I have learned to do when he is having difficulty keeping his stray thoughts from escaping through his mouth.

We have been using the GPS on his blackberry to navigate to our destinations, and I must say it has been something like a talisman of sanity for me, the designated navigator. However I can only do so much in this role, as my father seems to suffer from slight dementia whenever he allows himself to get worked into tethers over various, stupid details- which is all the time. Here is a sample of driving around with him:

Me: Ok... so after the next roundabout you wanna keep to the right...

Dad: Go left?

Me: Right.

Dad: Ok.

Me: No! Turn Right! (just at the last second)

Dad: OH! FUCK! OK, I'm going right!

(later)

Dad: Can we park here? (swerves into parking spot at last minute)

Me: Um, yeah I guess, but why would we want to?

Dad: (Looks around) Yeah, I guess you're right. (Backs out and continues on route)

(later)

Dad: Jesus Christ! All these streets are one-way! Hows someone supposed to get around in this goddamn town?

Me: We've gone around this block four times.

Dad: Well, we should really find a hotel, Eben.

Me: (supresses all urges to say anything at all, grits teeth)

Dad: Did you fart again?

* * * * * * * * * * *

Prague is overwhelming. We stayed two days but managed to tour very little of the city- we walked around on the Charles bridge (very old and historical, a battle was fought over it, I'll let u wiki it up) and a little bit through Josefov, though I didn't get to see any of the old synagogues I had wanted to. We strolled down impossibly narrow little cobblestone streets filled with really touristy stuff, and along the Vltava river. Everything is so ornate and gilded and old it is hard on the eyes and mind. There is stuff older than my native country everywhere and its hard to take it all in. You start to go a little batty after awhile with nowhere to rest your eyes.

We stayed at a hotel just up the hill from the river, and just behind us was this towering wall of an old fortress where you can walk around and see 360 degrees around the city. There is a cool tv-tower in prague that looks like some weird tool out of star wars (a hyrdospanner?) but we didn't get to go up it.

I had absolutely no inclination to learn any czech while I was there- so I started to sympathize with my dad who has to deal with the language barrier wherever we go. It's pretty funny- he starts to subconsciously add this little pseudo-european accent to his english when he's trying to communicate with someone where he emphasizes the consonants and stuff, it's kind of cute. My friend Sharlene asked me how it was travelling with my dad and I told her he's like the little brother I never had- which is pretty close to the mark, but I think we've also grown close enough to each other these past days that I felt I could tell him I said that about him. He laughed.

Quickly because I am getting sleepy:

-Czech currency is still in circulation even though they now have to accept Euros as well and they are called crowns and have jewish wizards on the bills

-There is a shitty, probably 13-year old tagger in downtown Prague who goes by the name 'Dr. Dre'

-'Dark Knight' in Czech is called 'Temny Rytir'

-Czechoslovakia, along with probably poland and to a lesser degree other nearby eastern european countries- are probably most well known for all the mullets, which is sometimes called na debila, or 'asshole-style' which is strange because there are still so many of them. But then again, there are a lot of assholes here too.

-At night the spotlights on the buildings light up scores of seagulls that fly around the rooftops and it is a nice effect..

-The clubs are full of assholes who apparently love trance music and those bleach-washed jeans with white spots all over them that make them look like advertisements for dairy products or something. Get me out of here.

Talking Points: Berlin

(Still a day late)

1) Despite what I may have told a graphic designer friend of mine, bad fonts do exist in germany: i.e., late 90s, 'intelligent drum n' bass' album cover modern- looking dated just like all things supposedly from the future do. Must have been the product of an attempt to break away from Helvetica. Think of a bad euro nightclub built out of ice blocks where the offspring of a soviet project to clone supermodels serve you vodka from bottles that look like they might have been props from Demolition Man. (Sorry I didn't bother to snap any pics- but putting it into words is more fun anywayz)

2) Got scammed on the subway buying a pass from some dude who had a stack of them- shows the legit ticket on top of his pile then takes illegit ticket from the middle and gives it to me. Expired ten minutes beforehand. Tried to feel better about it by thinking that he had a pretty good racket and that was how he survived and that I was just a nice guy, but then only felt more pathetic for catching myself reasoning in this way.

3) Hung out with Nate's pal Matt at a Straßecafé over coffee and beers, who elaborated to me an extensive and brilliant analysis of Dark Knight- won't spoil it though, I will post link to it when he's done writing it. Also had stimulating discussion about presidential race in the states and global politics which made me think I have been too much of a disengaged, jaded cunt of late. Matt is starting political commentary blog with friend- wait for link to it too.

4) My comment about girls being cuter than guys was a bait for destiny to prove me wrong- which it did. Ogled girl with amazing legs on subway. On a different note, saw a dude on the subway with perma-smile. He had to try really hard not to have a giant toothy grin on his face. Sucks to be him. I really felt bad for him- I imagine he has to try to act happy all the time because that's what people are expecting of him, and he can't really be openly solemn and serious about something because everyone would always be waiting for some kind of punchline...

5) May have witnessed what appeared to be a drunken, Czechoslovakian wedding from Hotel window in Mitte. However witness testimony here is also quite drunken.

6) Omnipresence of über-stylish kids here is cool and exciting, but also makes me feel all the more über-comfortable in white tee and jeans. Would, however like a nice, simple vest. Not skinny enough to rock it, will probably get over it soon anyways.

7) Went to Holocaust memorial and had a small argument with my dad about having my picture taken inside. We conversed briefly and inanely about the construction of the concrete boxes, then I cut off in a different direction and lost him for a bit. It was raining a fine mist and the water formed droplets on the sides of the boxes like tears because they are coated in anti-graffitti substance. (Ironically, it was revealed, manufactured by DuPont chemicals who allegedly sold to the Nazis.. I dunno- whatever I guess, the memorial is pretty much soul-shaking)

8) Rode bike around Mitte drunk til 3am by myself, saw a fox in an alley below the S-bahn near Friedrichstraße, and then a rabbit on a bridge near a small street called Monbijoustraße. There is also a street nearby called 'Chaussestraße'- which, as Matt pointed out to me, is a quaint little redundancy. ('Chausse' being french for street- 'Streetstreet')

9) Cobblestone makes everything sound better- footsteps, tires, bottles rolling down the street... My dad keeps saying he wishes he could record all the sounds. It's true there is a city of sounds apart from everything else.

10) All prositutes are mandated by law to wear gogo boots. They are also really nice. Dad chatted up prostitute named Sammy from Seattle and shared her umbrella while I grabbed some Fritten mit Holländisch (fries and hollandaise). Don't tell mom.

I have a few more, better pictures to post but too lazy to download them off my phone now.. (I still kinda suck at taking good pics- such a fucking tourist)

Mark E - Slave 1

You can drink beers on the street!

(Posted a day late)
I will spare you the boring details of being a tourist yesterday and all the amazing places we saw, and instead relate to you what has been so far the most formative Berlin experience for me. After having sushi dinner in a beautiful little cobblestone courtyard last evening, my dad and I walked around Mitte (a downtownish area near many of Berlin's big attractions and close to the old wall- which I have yet to see) to find a corner store and buy some travellers- two Becks and two Pilsner Urquell to try to wind us down and get to sleep.

Finding ourselves totally wired and still peckish at 11pm, we walked down from our hotel looking over a busy three-way intersection to a falafel place just below. (Best falafel I've ever had- no word of a lie. I think it was the whole coriander seeds they used) As we were sitting there we struck up some conversation with a couple guys my age sitting across the doorway from us- Max from Austria (now living in Berlin) and Alex from Munich. We were inquiring about Berlins' economic situation because my dad couldn't believe everyone here had real jobs or that the local economy was somehow sustainable, which it turns out, no one does, and it totally isn't. Berlin, Max explained, runs an enormous deficit and is basically sustained by a national kitty somewhat like our provincial equilization back in Canada.

After our Falafels Max offered to take us out to a nearby place for drinks, which we happily obliged. Just across the street and down a bit from our hotel there is a ruinous, old, five-storey prewar building that contains several bars and clubs, artists' spaces a cinema and shitloads of squatters. My dad explained to our companions how much it reminded him of hanging out in Rochdale in the 1970s. We walked up eight flights of a graffitti-and-poster-plastered staircase to a bar situated on the precipice of an open wall looking out onto the city. The walls- Max explained had been bombed out in the war and no real restructuring had been done to the building since. It was fucking cool. You know when you see a bombed-out apartment building where you can see inside the rooms like a dollhouse? Imagine a bar done up like a CBGBs bathroom stall in one of these and you will start to imagine what it was like.

We drank beers and talked into the wee hours, with Max- his education in modern history- elaborating on the nuances of Berlin as a city, and us debating the source of Hitlers' anti-semitism, the charming genius of Ronald Reagan, and why Microprose videogames sucked.

Berlin is a city of contrast- it was built on categorical divides and exists as an anomalous, impossible endeavour. The art, design, style and history here is suffocating. So far I find there to be more good-looking guys than girls though, and I still think Toronto is the hottest city in the world.

I must post more on this city.. for what I can't put into words I will try to find pictures to describe.

Bis später...

PS- is this blog really boring? I feel like this whole 'travelogue' thing is really tedious.. will try a different approach next post.

Road Trip!

Yesterday we left Frankfurt for Berlin. The countryside outside Frankfurt is stunning; big rolling hills covered in thick, pristine forests, little red-roofed hamlets dotting the highways, and many old churches and ruins at the top of small mountains surrounded by villages.. giant banks of wind turbines pepper the landscape every 10km or so. We probably averaged about 160kmph all the way here to Berlin on the autobahn, and even when we were going faster than that there would be a BMW, Mercedes or Audi that would zip up behind us and fly past. No speed traps- ever. My dad is nursing his knuckles today from their being white having tightly gripped the steering wheel the whole way. We both agreed that going really fast makes road trips better.

One notable town we passed through was Creuzberg- with an old abbey or church built up on a hill above the town and old, tightly placed houses winding up towards it. We passed over it on a high bridge that joined a valley next to the town, and it would've been a wicked pic but at 170kmph you don't get a huge window to grab the camera.. oh well, I'll be faster on the trigger next time. Nearby we passed what is easily the hugest man-made thing I have ever seen- a mountain sized pile of aggregate that must have been from a mine or something that appeared on the horizon about 3hrs out of Frankfurt. The shadows of clouds passed over it like the spots on a jersey cow.

Everyone here drives BMWs, Audis, VWs and Mercedes. They are all perfectly clean, and the roads on the autobahn are unbelievably smooth, which is crucial at these speeds. I kept getting the feeling I had woken up in a playmobil dreamworld- the trucks and vans all look so alien and are as colourful and clean as childrens' toys.

About halfway to Berlin the hills gave way to rolling plains, and many more wind farms. Seeing these gave me hope for the future in a naive sort of way, but the enormity of these machines is also almost frightening in a visceral sort of way. It is hard to describe.

Ok, I think that wraps up the road trip.. next post, Berlin!

Angekommen!

Hallo alle! Und vielen freundlichen Grüße von Deutschland! (Hey everybody! And many friendly greetings from germany)

First off, lots of love to all my friends and family who made sure to see me off in true style- the party at Kahlin's was truly touching and for everyone who I had to say goodbye to before then, thanks for your heartfelt farewells. I will miss all of you like crazy.

I am sitting at the window in our hotel in Frankfurt catching some wifi from down the street, and watching the day wind down over the city. What can I say? This place is truly a soul-fuck. From the weird-looking vehicles, to the cobblestone sidewalks, to the beers at the newsstands, indoor smoking, and german minimal techno in the elevators (actually, no) I feel immersed in something I've yet to come around to. It is really fun though, and I will have tons to write about and lots of pics to post.

As far as contacting me, I will be on facebook and gmail for chats and msgs, but I'm not sure about txting because I've yet to find a plan that will be reasonable enough for me. Also, many people may not be set up to get txts internationally, so I think I will just get a killer data plan and see about using facebook etc. from my phone. I do have a number here now, which is 49.1787.776.498, but this may only be a tentative one until I get a plan.

Tomorrow we are off to Berlin! Until then, vielen freundlichen Grüße!

(A little bit of nighttime krautrock for y'all)