Czechoslovakia- home of the eurocunt mullet!

(Two days late)

We drove out of Berlin on a grey, rainy morning- fitting for a visit to the holocaust memorial and then thru an old DDR neighbourhood with all its glazed-brick exteriors and soviet-modern apartment complexes. It kinda sucked leaving such an awesome city behind, but being headed to Czech was cool and it was nice to be on the road again.

After an hour or so the clouds gave way and we crossed into Czech in some rolling hills, which soon turned into witch tit mountains. The autobahn slowed to a more north american pace, and the cars started to show signs of wear and rust. We passed through tunnels that went under whole towns, and over bridges between rocky gorges with old churches built precariously over the sides. The highway turned into a two-lane road which wound up and down through the hills, past old men sitting at the roadside smoking cigarettes and small villages consisting of maybe ten buildings built on steep bends in the road. The windmills slowly disappeared, and everything began to look more eastern european- I can't really describe it much better than that.

We rolled into Prague at around 4 in the afternoon, seeing long apartment complex-blocks from the highway, billboards and commercial buildings that would be expected on the outskirts of any city. Dad, being the perspicacious and culturally-intuitive person that he is, said he wasn't liking the looks of the city, and expressed fear that "there wasn't really much here". I bit my lip, as I have learned to do when he is having difficulty keeping his stray thoughts from escaping through his mouth.

We have been using the GPS on his blackberry to navigate to our destinations, and I must say it has been something like a talisman of sanity for me, the designated navigator. However I can only do so much in this role, as my father seems to suffer from slight dementia whenever he allows himself to get worked into tethers over various, stupid details- which is all the time. Here is a sample of driving around with him:

Me: Ok... so after the next roundabout you wanna keep to the right...

Dad: Go left?

Me: Right.

Dad: Ok.

Me: No! Turn Right! (just at the last second)

Dad: OH! FUCK! OK, I'm going right!

(later)

Dad: Can we park here? (swerves into parking spot at last minute)

Me: Um, yeah I guess, but why would we want to?

Dad: (Looks around) Yeah, I guess you're right. (Backs out and continues on route)

(later)

Dad: Jesus Christ! All these streets are one-way! Hows someone supposed to get around in this goddamn town?

Me: We've gone around this block four times.

Dad: Well, we should really find a hotel, Eben.

Me: (supresses all urges to say anything at all, grits teeth)

Dad: Did you fart again?

* * * * * * * * * * *

Prague is overwhelming. We stayed two days but managed to tour very little of the city- we walked around on the Charles bridge (very old and historical, a battle was fought over it, I'll let u wiki it up) and a little bit through Josefov, though I didn't get to see any of the old synagogues I had wanted to. We strolled down impossibly narrow little cobblestone streets filled with really touristy stuff, and along the Vltava river. Everything is so ornate and gilded and old it is hard on the eyes and mind. There is stuff older than my native country everywhere and its hard to take it all in. You start to go a little batty after awhile with nowhere to rest your eyes.

We stayed at a hotel just up the hill from the river, and just behind us was this towering wall of an old fortress where you can walk around and see 360 degrees around the city. There is a cool tv-tower in prague that looks like some weird tool out of star wars (a hyrdospanner?) but we didn't get to go up it.

I had absolutely no inclination to learn any czech while I was there- so I started to sympathize with my dad who has to deal with the language barrier wherever we go. It's pretty funny- he starts to subconsciously add this little pseudo-european accent to his english when he's trying to communicate with someone where he emphasizes the consonants and stuff, it's kind of cute. My friend Sharlene asked me how it was travelling with my dad and I told her he's like the little brother I never had- which is pretty close to the mark, but I think we've also grown close enough to each other these past days that I felt I could tell him I said that about him. He laughed.

Quickly because I am getting sleepy:

-Czech currency is still in circulation even though they now have to accept Euros as well and they are called crowns and have jewish wizards on the bills

-There is a shitty, probably 13-year old tagger in downtown Prague who goes by the name 'Dr. Dre'

-'Dark Knight' in Czech is called 'Temny Rytir'

-Czechoslovakia, along with probably poland and to a lesser degree other nearby eastern european countries- are probably most well known for all the mullets, which is sometimes called na debila, or 'asshole-style' which is strange because there are still so many of them. But then again, there are a lot of assholes here too.

-At night the spotlights on the buildings light up scores of seagulls that fly around the rooftops and it is a nice effect..

-The clubs are full of assholes who apparently love trance music and those bleach-washed jeans with white spots all over them that make them look like advertisements for dairy products or something. Get me out of here.